Saturday, February 26, 2005

Movie Review: "Godzilla vs. Destroyer"

Godzilla fights Destroyer Posted by Hello

Today I watched the movie “Godzilla vs. Destroyer”. Ever since I’ve been playing the Godzilla videogame, I’ve been becoming more and more a bigger Godzilla fan. In “Godzilla vs. Destroyer” Godzilla is having a nuclear meltdown occur inside of him, which is cool because he glows orange and looks like he made of lava throughout the film.
Meanwhile scientists create something called “Micro-oxygen” which somehow makes angry creatures that use “Micro-oxygen as a weapon. These creatures are the goofiest looking things. Their 10ft tall, have crab/spider legs, giraffe life necks, their purple, make obnoxious noises, and like to rip off films like “Aliens” and “Jurassic Park”. After mauling the police force, they hide out for a while.
In yet another meanwhile, “Baby Godzilla” is found in the ocean. But what’s this? He’s not the annoying creepy talking baby Godzilla from films such as “Godzilla’s Revenge” anymore. After getting nuked he as become a smaller version of normal Godzilla (this gives to movie extra points).
As Godzilla rampages around, scientists figure out that he soon explode and take out the world if they don’t do something. They can’t shoot at him or it will trigger the explosion, so they invent “Freeze Tanks”. Yeah, they use “Freeze Lasers” (did Japan contact Gotham City’s Victor Fries and ask for technology secretes?) It works! . . . for 6 hours. So what else can they do? Why not kill him with whatever the heck “Micro-oxygen” is. But where can they get some “Micro-oxygen”? Hmmmmmm.
Anyway, back to the goofy “Micro-oxygen” monsters. After the police try and freeze them with “Freeze Lasers”, they all jump into each other and make one really big monster. Say, wait a minute! That’s a pretty big source of “Micro-oxygen”, let’s make him fight Godzilla!
Using the baby Godzilla to attract “Adult Meltdown Godzilla”, a fight begins. The “Micro-oxygen” monster mauls baby Godzilla. (Mauling is FUN!) But baby Godzilla gets a lucky shot and knocks the “Micro-oxygen” monster into a power plant. Ooops! Now he’s even bigger, has wings, a horn, and is named Destroyer.
Destroyer unleashes a new level hurt on baby Godzilla and KILLS him. (Hooray! Death to baby Godzilla!) But Destroyer leans a valuable lesson, “Never kill Godzilla’s kid while Godzilla is watching”. (This is a valuable lesson for you “the reader” too. Try and apply in everyday situations.)
Godzilla starts mauling Destroyer, until he turns into a bunch of those 10ft tall spider legged “Micro-oxygen” monsters. (It’s fun watching Godzilla get swarmed by a bunch of “obvious” puppets.) To make a long review short, Godzilla wins, but he is still melting down. Japan tries to freeze him with everything they got, but no good. He explodes! But wait, the world is still here. Something is absorbing the radioactivity! It’s Baby Godzilla! He’s back from the dead and has mutated into a full grown Godzilla. And then the movie ends.

Pros and cons of “Godzilla vs. Destroyer”

1) You are led to believe that baby Godzilla is nuked and dead in the beginning.
2) Electronic puppets mauling police!
3) Electronic puppets mauling Godzilla!
4) Baby Godzilla gets severely mauled and then killed.
5) You get to see Godzilla MELT!
1) No Mothra
2) Baby Godzilla (in a way) lives
3) If I hear the word “Micro-oxygen” one more time, I’m going to explode.

Anyway I give this film 3 out 5 slinus stars.


Raven said...

Didn't you know that micro- oxygen is the cause of EVERYTHING!!!

a rabid weasel said...

ouch my micro-oxygen