Thursday, June 16, 2005

Top 10 Worst Movies According to Slinus

I have seen all the films on this list to keep it fair. If I were to add films I have not seen you can bet Shrek 2 and Titanic would be on it. They rank as 1 being the worst ever and so on.

  1. Shrek. Worst Movie Ever! Nuff Said. (Eddie Murphy must pay for his sins!)
  2. Batman & Robin. George Clooney has no business being Batman and Joel Shumacher has no business turning batman into nothing more than bad acting and horrible one liners. This film wasn’t even close to Batman unless you count Adam West.
  3. Catwoman. A movie about Halle Berry in tight clothes and close-ups on her boobs and butt. Wow it’s got to be bad if boobs couldn’t save a film form me! The worst part involves a large badly animated cat spewing green fumes upon an unconscious Halle Berry, giving her “cat” powers that for some reason are about the same as Spiderman’s powers. I’m not sure where this catwoman comes from but she has nothing to do with the Batman character except disgracing the name.
  4. Mission Impossible 2. So much cheese in this film. Overly dramatic and unexplainable scenes (i.e. flaming door way with white dove and stomping on the dessert to bounce a gun) put this movie on the list. And Tom Cruise didn’t help. Warning, prepare yourselves for Mission Impossible 3 in 2006, I’m sorry but it’s no Joke.
  5. Speed 2: Cruise Control. Oh no! If this boat goes under 50m.p.h. it will explode! And all we have in front of us is hundreds of miles of open ocean.
  6. Freddy got fingered. Also known as Tom Green’s Movie. This poor excuse for a film only exists to try and gross you out, which it does. I’m not even sure why I wanted to see this film in the 1st place but I’m sorry I did.
  7. The Matrix Revolutions. Most people hated the 2nd Matrix, yet I loved it. How awesome is an army of Agent Smiths! With so much goofiness in one movie I was expecting the same for Matrix 3. But noo, we get very little fighting, bad dialogue, and Trinity’s death scene which was sooo long it could have been it’s own movie. The only good thing in this movie were the Dexter Lab like robots.
  8. Tomb Raider 2: Cradle of Life. My main expectation from this movie was to see Angelina Jolie with Lara Croft’s breasts (like in the 1st one). What I got was a Lara Croft, several cup sizes smaller with no explanation. Plus the movie wasn’t any good anyway.
  9. The Hulk. Two words. Hulk Poodle. (Plus Hulk didn’t Smash enough for my taste)
  10. The Pest. If you like watching John Leguizamo running run and acting like an idiot (a very un-funny idiot I might add), You’ll love this film.

5 comments:

scott said...

i'm suprised shrek 2 didnt make the cut

Donovan "Slinus" Jones said...

You should read the paragrah leading into the list.

getpoor@getpoor.com said...

Joe vs. The Volcano: People and their miserable lives following things that don't even matter.

-Steve

www.getpoor.com

liz said...

I'm surprised that Sinbad didn't make the list. Also remind me to find a way to show you Manos the Hands of Fate sometime. The non-MST3K version. (cringes and runs away after scaring herself)

Donovan "Slinus" Jones said...

But sinbad was bad it was funny. It's the same reason I love the Leprechaun or Jack Frost films.